Only God. Only God could take this nobody from nowhere and radically change her whole world as He saw fit. Over the last two months it hasn’t always felt that way. In August, I planned to board a plane and fly to South Asia for a project and God said wait. I regret to say that I did not wait well. I was angry. I was hurt. I was sobbing my eyes out and although I knew He was having me wait for something better, I was still upset. I wanted my way and my time. 

He heard me. He knew. He wasn’t surprise by my response because He knows who I am and how my heart beats. He didn’t back down, but He did bring comfort. At exactly the moments I was screaming and sobbing and throwing a fit someone would text me and say they were praying for me and I knew it was Him. Or someone would call at just that moment and with tear stained cheeks I would answer that it was all in His timing. I knew the truth, but that didn’t prevent the feeling of hurt and frustration. I didn’t question God, I didn’t need to. I knew why He was doing what He was doing because I trust Him, but I don’t always trust His timing. 

Fast forward to the end of September where I felt a massive need to apply for a different visa because the tourist visa wasn’t opening any time soon and as we know now, I was in a hurry. I had the thought to apply for a business visa in August and I hadn’t acted on it. But at the end of September, I did. I booked a wedding and some portrait sessions and then applied for a business visa. Guess what?? They were supposed to respond in 72 hours and they absolutely did not. Almost a week after I applied they responded with one word: Granted. GRANTED! God in His goodness granted the visa again in His timing. In faith and hope I had moved my ticket to October 12th because I had a feeling He would do something soon. Oh did my God so something. 

I had some time and I used it to surprise my man for his birthday, spend some time with his family, and my friends before leaving for a while. It was so sweet! My powerhouse community overwhelmed me with creativity, Seafood, tough conversations, Sushi, encouragement, Mexican food, Marvel, and steak. They completely filled my love tank in every way possible! Then on the way back to Miami I stopped to surprise my sweet kiddos (I was their babysitter all middle school and high school). They had no idea I was coming and it was the cutest thing to have them run screaming into my arms. I stayed with them that night and talked until the wee hours with Phillip and Kacie, their parents, who have a permanent place in my heart. The next morning meant tough goodbyes (again) but being choked out on repeat by little arms has a way of making everything better. They love so big and loud. It’s my favorite thing!

I know this is taking me a while to get through but so much has happened! The night before the flight I had the best time with my sister and my mom. We really just talked and were present with each other and that was enough. I had been packing for a few hours and I was starting to hit the “I’m over it” wall when I decided to write a checklist of the things I had left to do. Instant regret. I inadvertently freaked myself out and started to feel like I was going to throw up because of how nervous I had suddenly become. At that moment I made the decision to just go to bed, but before I did I texted my girls and told them what was happening in my mind and asked for prayers of peace. They prayed, I laid down, turned on “Quiet” by Hillsong, and slept all night long. 

When I woke up I still had a bunch of stuff to do but I took the morning slow. Mistake? Maybe but I needed it. I said goodbye to my mom and grandparents end entered the airport to what I thought was going to be a puddle hopper flight to Atlanta. I was wrong. Instead I arrived to be told that by flight to Asia was just…gone? The airline had canceled the flight. Thankfully, I had saved my itinerary to my phone and printed out a copy so they took a look at that and then started hitting buttons and making phone calls. I stood there for two hours with no news. I missed my first flight. I finally was able to have someone tell me what was happening and they said they were trying to switch me to a different airline. Something at that moment said, “open your Bible app.” Who am I kidding? SOMEONE said it and for the next 4 hours I would repeat my precious Mimi's favorite scripture verse, Proverbs 3:5-6, behind my mask. “You don’t have a flight…” “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” “We don’t have a confirmation yet…” “Lean not on your own understanding, Alexis.” “Your Visa may not let you in the country…” “In all your ways acknowledge Him.” “You only have 10 minutes until boarding…” “He WILL direct my paths.” 

OH. MY. GOD. HE. DID. 

I could have screamed. I clenched my fits and breathed so deep when I heard the words “You are clear to board.” I literally skipped with my 75lb camera bag strapped to my back all the way to TSA and then skipped some more once I was through. I texted my girls. I called my mom. I was holding back tears as I arrived last to the gate and was greeted by an agent who said “Alexis, just a few more steps.” I took those next few steps and handed over my boarding pass to an agent who said “I have a better seat for you. My manager upgraded you.” I told her she was wonderful and then walked toward the plane where I was handed a bag by an attendant for the flight. The moment I sat down in my seat and buckled up I began to sob uncontrollably. Tears flooded my eyes and poured down my face in rivers. I was crying so hard I couldn’t even see when the manager sat down next to me to give me some advice for the next flight. She said “You had me sweating girl.” To which I couldn’t even reply except to shake my head as the tears continued to soak my face mask. She gave the advice and left with the phrase, “God bless you.” Moments later a flight attendant sat down beside me and asked if she could get me anything. All I could say is that I would take anything she gave me. She brought me a cute little glass of wine and a liter of water (not as cute but needed). Shortly after that another attendant visited me and then another and another all making sure I was okay and offering to bring me things. I had so many drinks, snacks, blankets, and pillows next to me it was almost comical.

The manager who helped me today was named Grace, like me! Grace means unmerited favor, it isn’t something that we can earn. Literally grace is getting what we don’t deserve. I didn’t deserve to fly out today, but I did. I didn’t deserve to have my seat upgraded, but it was. I didn’t deserve to have the flight attendants call me by name, but they did. I didn’t deserve the glass of wine they handed me the moment I sat down, but they gave it to me. I didn’t deserve the visit from the manager, nor the extra snacks from Daniel, nor the concerns from Issac, nor the care of the two women who I didn’t even have names for, but all of that was graciously given to me. Abundantly more than I could EVER ask or think. I only asked to make it on the plane! But God loves me so much that despite my anger, poor character, frustration, impatience, and lack of self control He still sees to my every need and overwhelms my heart. 

As I sit here eating pasta and drinking wine (because Europe okay) I am crying little streams of silent tears because I am so overwhelmed, full of joy, and completely at peace. My God did it. HE did. I can’t take credit for anything. He over and abundantly directed my paths far better than I could have and for that I am so so so grateful. 

Fun Facts:

1. European Ginger Ale (Fever Tree Brand) is like drinking straight ginger juice and I was here for it
2. British accents make the hardest days more magical than Disney World
3. I’ve gotten three “The Vid” tests in a short period of time and let me tell you they aren’t great. 
4. God has a thing for waiting until the very last minute to make things happen
5. Wine from Europe hits DIFFERENT. I do not like American wine at all but the nectar they handed me on this plane…divine.